Sleepovers...

I remember clearly my first play date (though we didn’t call them that) to a classmate for an hour or two after school. They had stairs (which was exciting because we didn’t) and her mother seemed to me even at that young age obsessed with cleaning! The house was more like a hospital ward and I remember being afraid to touch anything! My other friend was the opposite – her house was totally chaotic with lots of children and laundry piled up everywhere.
 
I don’t remember eating at either house – that was for later, longer visits (I was only about 4). And it was really on these longer play dates (and especially sleepovers) that I began to realize that how my family lived was not universal – I began to realize that what, how, when and even where we ate was not universal across families.

Lulu tries eating cucumber at Hani's house. Usually she doesn't like cucumber, but these ones are delicious!

Looking back, I think this is a big realization for young children – a next step of separation and differentiation not unlike the developmental stage when a very young child begins to realize they are a separate person from their mother.
 
And so I wonder whether that is also at the root of the clothes swapping that went on at these sleepovers…
My grandmother’s house was near my school and I usually went there rather than home at the end of my school day. My mother would usually be there and we would wait there for my Dad to pick us up on his way from the school where he taught. My mother was good friends with a family across the street and I would often play on the street outside their house while I waited.
 
Even here (it wasn't a proper play date – we didn't go in the house and just played together on the street) I remember we would swap shoes while we played tag or hopscotch on the street. I was always keen for this game as I most often had sensible laced brown shoes (tough and suitable for passing on to my younger brothers!). I longed for the likes of the Mary-Janes most of my friends wore and delighted in wearing them even if only for an hour or two – though they were understandably reluctant to wear mine!

On a proper sleepover, of course you could completely swap clothes.

Like Lulu, my first sleepovers were at cousins’ houses. When I was very young, they were mostly with my cousin Cathy - the daughter of my mother's sister. Like me, Cathy was an only girl – we both had three brothers (Cathy’s were all older than her, mine were all younger than me! Our families crossed over in the middle with us) and so sleepovers afforded each of us the chance to gain a sister.

Not to say we always got on! We would look forward to visiting for ages but often struggle for how to be together… at least until we were a little older.

My earliest memory of Cathy was when we were about four – perhaps even younger.
She had a wonderful summer dress covered in strawberries and a fantastic pair of silver strapped sandals that she schlepped around in, making a wonderful slappy noise.

You remember my mention of brown lace shoes? Well, reader, my sandals were almost as boring! In the old photo (right), I seem to have progressed on to something white, but I suspect the little brown ones my brother is wearing were originally mine!

I was probably wearing those brown ones and shorts and T and was very envious of Cathy and her strawberry dress and silver sandals!

So, you can imagine my delight whenever Cathy let me wear her silver strappy ones – sheer joy. Like walking around in my mammy’s shoes only they fit!

Somehow I got it into my head that Cathy had promised that when we went home, I could take her silver sandals with me – wishful thinking!  Deluded!

When we started gathering to leave and I asked for the sandals I got an incredulous No! I remember still how gutted I felt – I wasn’t going home with the fantastic sandals and my sister-cousin had betrayed me! To the embarrassment of my mother, I bawled – and continued to bawl for the first section of the journey!

Cathy and I managed to remain close - even after the sandal episode! Here we are - flower girls at my uncle's wedding. For once I look like a girl - and we had matching white Mary Janes!

So of course I had to have some clothes swapping, some experimenting with other possible identities at the core of my sleepover story.
 
I found it funny when I sent the text to Yolanda at Charlesbridge and to the illustrator, Ros Beardshaw, both mentioned that their daughters were totally into swapping – and like my child self I began to realize that this was not an experience unique to me!

That set me thinking – if sleepovers are an occasion to realize that how your family is, is not universal, could the clothes swapping thing a way of further exploring that? Exploring other possible identities perhaps? I’ve not been able to find any writings on this, but the more I think, the more I’m convinced that that urge to try on another child’s clothes while on a sleepover is really experimenting with other possible versions of yourself – yourself imagined as part of this family, perhaps.

Ros Beardshaw really rose to the challenge and we planned that not only would Lulu and Hani swap clothes completely at the centre of the story (below), but from the first moment they are alone together, Hani puts on Lulu’s red and blue bracelets and Lulu wears Hani’s yellow one.

When they wake up in the morning, they manage to have swapped PJs during the night!

And in completely self-indulgent moment, I asked Ros to do a special thing for me. So, in a lovely secret moment, if you look carefully at the final scene (right) Lulu is going home in Hani’s yellow strappy sandals!

50 years on but who cares - I finally got my wish vicariously through Lulu!!